What I Learned: Providing Negative Feedback
What I learned from a hard conversation.
Editor's Note: The following story is a composite of a few experiences I've had learning to give difficult feedback. While inspired by real events, details have been changed and anonymized to protect the privacy of those involved.
One of the things I like most about being a Senior Associate at a Big Four accounting firm is the incredibly smart and capable people I get to work with. Our work is generally fast-paced and challenging, and we often jump around to new teams every 4-8 weeks for new engagements. The job is hard, but I also feel privileged to learn from such a large array of different people, perspectives, and scenarios. We also have a process whereby at the end of each project, we provide written feedback to our team members to help us identify what we did well and what we can work on going forward. It's a testament to our people that in the last 2.5 years, I have almost entirely given feedback that is overall positive. Recently, however, I faced a new challenge: giving a negative performance review for the first time.
Preparing for the Conversation
The associate I needed to review was someone I had worked with closely over the past few months. I had seen firsthand how much effort they put into their work and how badly they wanted to succeed. However, despite their dedication, they consistently struggled to grasp the complexity of our projects. This wasn't due to a lack of trying; rather, it seemed to be a gap in their ability to think through the problem at hand. As I prepared to deliver this feedback, I felt a mix of emotions. On one hand, I knew that honest, constructive criticism was essential for this associate's professional growth. On the other hand, I deeply empathized with how difficult it would be to hear that your best efforts weren't yielding the desired results. I wanted to make sure I struck the right balance between being truthful and being compassionate. To prepare, I sought advice from colleagues and did some research on delivering effective feedback. I identified three key principles to guide my approach:
Being honest, yet empathetic.
Highlighting strengths.
Providing specific examples.
Delivering the Feedback
When the time came for our feedback session, I made sure to set aside plenty of time to do the conversation the right way. I began the conversation by acknowledging the associate's hard work and commitment to the team. I wanted to make it clear that my feedback was coming from a place of respect and a desire to see them succeed. As I moved into discussing areas for improvement, I focused on providing specific, objective examples of where the associate's work had fallen short. I was careful to frame these examples as opportunities for growth rather than personal failings. Throughout the conversation, I also made a point of pausing frequently to ask the associate for their thoughts and reactions. I wanted this to be a two-way dialogue, not a monologue. To my relief, the associate was receptive to the feedback. We had a productive conversation, discussing both their strengths and areas for growth. I left feeling good about the interaction, but also with some key takeaways. I realized the importance of honest, constructive feedback delivered with empathy.
What I Would Do Differently
Upon reflection, I realized I could have been better prepared to provide actionable advice on addressing the associate's weaknesses. I was so focused on delivering the message with care that I neglected to fully think through how to help them improve. When they asked for guidance at the end of our meeting, I struggled to provide concrete suggestions, as it wasn't a challenge I had personally faced. Moving forward, I want to make sure to anticipate this part of the conversation and come prepared with thoughtful recommendations to better support my team members.
Conclusion
For me, this experience highlighted the importance of balancing honesty with empathy, and the need for actionable guidance alongside constructive feedback. As I continue to grow through my career, I'll need to strive to approach difficult conversations with care, preparation, and a focus on solutions.